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| Sunday, November 12, 2006 |
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I just....I don't know I have loved my blog. There was a time when writing here meant *everything* to me. It was my place to vent, to share with my friends, to meet new people, to write about my life......Then things happened. Actually, several 'things' happened. One wasn't because of the other like certain people may think. I came to the conclusion that I could not be in my marriage any longer and finally found the strength to do something about it. At this same point in my life I became involved with a very close, good friend of mine (MOMD). I was attacked. This friend of mine was attacked. I withdrew from my 'safe haven' that I had used in the past to make me feel better and sane, and meanwhile while that drama was going on, there was a lot more behind the scenes that was taking place. Things I refuse to write about here. Things that involved my soon to be ex and I. Not okay things. I spent weeks in terror, having nightmares from these things. Afraid to spend the night in my own home because I felt scared and unsafe. MOMD came to my rescue and turned out to be my savior. Enabled my children and I to once again regain some normalcy and consistency and return to our lives as best we could. And I was reminded on numerous occasions of that game "Telephone"........everyone sits in a circle and one person whispers a secret, a phrase, a short story, something to the person next to them and that person is supposed to whisper the exact same thing to the person next to THEM, and so on. But you always count on by like the third person, the story, phrase, whatever had changed slightly and definately by the time this blurb made the full circle it was an entirely different version. To the point the first person would be like "HUH?!". Well. Telephone became my life. Everyone had their own inflated version of what was going on. Yet next to no one came to the original sources to find out what really happened regarding ANY of these 'things'. AND just getting one person's opinion DOES NOT mean you have the "correct" one. I mean, what's that saying "there are always two sides to a story"???? There is. Always. I think it's incredibly important to remember this. I'm not making sense to many of you, I guess. This has been an incredibly trying and difficult week for me. And the weekend was even more so. I am sad. For so many reasons. But some other things are heavy on my mind. Things like, the fact that numerous people feel it's ok to read other people's emails. And that, just because one person involved says 'so and so' does NOT make it RIGHT. Or what is *really* going on. I'm rambling. All I'm trying to say is I feel incredibly violated. For over a year my husband stalked my every move. And when he moved out it became worse. I have discovered that people I would not wish to read this, have. I suppose that's a non issue. What I write here is public. But I have tried to keep it private and away from the eyes of some people. And now those people have read it. Are reading it. Copies have been made and are be distrubuted to other people. Other people, that I would not wish to share 'this' portion of my life with, are being encouraged to read it. I can't write here anymore. My site has become a place where I can no longer express or have an opinion. Gone are the days of looking forward to writing here each day. Gone are the days where I could vent and feel better. I don't know what I plan on doing in the future regarding 'here'. I just know I can no longer be me. I find that thought very....disheartening, and sad. I guess there is a small part of me that is angry about that as well. But at this point, I can't harbor anymore animosity. I'm spent. I will have to give a great deal more thought into what I want to do about my blog. There is a good chance I will move it. Anonymously. If that happens, I will let the people that care, know. But, like I said. My thoughts are muddled and tainted with ick. So I'll have to invest more thought, sane thought, into it. The last thing I want to mention is that I offer a heartfelt apology to those whom I have hurt. .........::::sigh:::::......... EE danced at 4:20 PM (18) comments
Comments:
First. Hugs. Lots of hugs. Big bear hugs.
Second. Moving my blog to make it annonymous was one of the best things I did. It truly sucked to leave behind the few folks I knew personally that read it... but it was worth it to be able to write what I wanted. I highly recommend doing this, and creating a new, secret e-mail address from which to inform your readers you want to know. Sad you have to do that. Very very sad. Hugs.
What an ass. I am so sorry. Amazing how petty and vindictive and malicious people can be, isn't it?
Well, I'll look for you. Don't let him take away your freedom of expression. He doesn't deserve it. This blog has helped you find you, and that's worth a lot. Best of luck to you--I hope you get him for everything he's got. He really is a jackwipe.
Composer- thanks, I honestly appreciate it. I remember I came to your blog shortly after I think you had moved it. I will keep you updated on what I do.
Janet- I know....and it's greatly appreciated. And means a lot. La reveuse- it is....but at this point, I have no more animosity or anger in me....I don't want anything but for him to love his children and want to help take care of them. And I think in the long run and grand scheme of things he will and wants to. It's just been a long, hard road getting there. Thank you for your support. :)
Hey EE, please let me know if you move your blog, I love reading your stuff, have for a long time. Hang in there, I have to say, this is the strongest I have "seen" you since you started this blog.
Amy amjebrown@hotmail.com
I loved that you have kept your blog going despite everything that has been happening in your life, because i knew it was such a good outlet for you....i'm sorry that that has been taken away from you.
As for the immature acts of others, ignore them the best you can....we all know you are better then their pettiness. ((EE)) if you need anything you know how to find me :)
Crap. It totally SUCKS that you are going to have to do this, but I agree with composer. Move it and make it anonymous. (of course, let us all know about it) ;)
Know that there are lots of people out there that hope things get much better for you and really soon-like! smiles to you...
I'm also with Composer. What happened to you wasn't fair. But I don't think you should give up something you love because of one asshole (and half a dozen idiots). We would miss you. I think it's time to be reborn girl. I mean, isn't that what's happening to your life anyway? Be the phoenix, chick. And change your damn passwords!
I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this CRAP. You SO don't deserve any of this. There is nothing worse than feeling violated and also having your personal email thoughts (that you thought were safe) put out there for everyone in the family to see. How aweful.
If you move your blog, I hope you will let me know where you move it to. I enjoy reading about you and the kids. **HUGS** Kittymama (aka Jennifer) jnn188@gmail.com
First of all, no one deserves to live in terror. Anyone who has followed your blog from day one, knows you were basically "DONE" over a year ago. You've given your husband all sorts of chances to come around. But he was way too pig headed to do so. The shame is on him.
Second, these critics have been circulating some emails of yours, which were hacked and stolen from your email account. Well, this was done in violation of Federal wire tapping statutes. My take is to prosecute each and every one of these people. They want to sit in judgement of you for leaving him. Well, let's see how they feel when they're judged by a judge for breaking the law. Hmmm... I like that thought a lot. But then again, you know how I feel about self-righteous jerks. They want to say that your soon-to-be-ex is just in his poor treatment of you and in his resentment. This is based on those ill-gotten emails. Well, that's BS. The guy is a slug. He left his kids without food, electricity, phone, programming, heat, a roof, etc. for nearly four months. How do we know this? Because others have had to help and cover his existing obligations. There's an excuse for this? My dad taught me otherwise. I can go on and on with this. There is a cause and effect. The cause isn't you getting together with MOMD. That is the effect. The cause was your husband and his abuse, followed by his neglect. Someone had to step in there and help you and your kids. Someone had to step up and support you guys. He had his parents to continuously bail him out (literally). Who did you have? Sure, you have friends and family who obviously care. But think of the magnitude of help you guys needed to make up for all of this. I do hope some of these folks arrive at their senses and realize this. Anyone can cherry pick bits and pieces of conversations and draw conclusions. But if I really want to know what happened to you, I should ask you. The police did and believed you. The judge did and believed you. I suppose they're not credible either [much sarcasm here]. Anyway, just tune them out. I learned a long time ago that you cannot have a rational conversation with irrational people. So why try? It's not your duty to educate them. It's their duty to educate themselves. It'll be sad for you to move away from this blog. I'm sad for you. (((EE)))
i'll miss you. i like your blog, and WE all like you.
you know how to get in touch with me, thru Sarah, who's got my data if you ever wanna say hello. keep leaving comments if you want to on mine, stay online, find your safety again, the JOY of aliases. be safe, be well. stay strong. fuck the assholes who have ruined this all for you. damned shame.
I haven't been reading your blog long, but from day one I knew you were miserable and in a bad situation. I think I encouraged you on several occasions to get out. I am so glad you did. I am sorry that you were so violated. What AH did was inexcusable. I hope things get easier in your life soon. You deserve some happiness. When I left my AH there was alot of drama too. I packed up and moved far away from it (where I happened to meet my MOMD too) and it was the best thing I could have done. I hope you continue to blog. tracyf50@yahoo.com
Amy- thank you for saying what you did.
G- awww, thanks sweetie. Flatman- thanks dude!\ Tink- I do plan to be reborn at some point ;) Thanks for what you said. Jennifer- thanks and will do, okay. Tracy- you did, you are right, and you have been someone that has been a great resource in giving me the confidence to do what I did and make the right decision for myself and my children. Thank you. B- I'll def still be checking in on your blog and updating you. Thanks so much for caring. Mike- last but not least.....you made me cry. What you said was so well worded and really made a lot of sense to me. I loved what you said. You said it perfectly. *smooches*
EE, I know I'm just a new reader but I want you to know that there are time things need to be change, hopefully for good. Maybe it's necessary to change link, but don't let those people destroyed what you have created in this space of yours.
I am sorry that things are the way there are and I sincerelly hope that if you do some changes, please share it with me. I really enjoy reading your blog and I ahve enjoeyed readind most of your posts. :) # posted by
 : November 17, 2006 9:52 AM
(((HUGS)))
I certainly know out of anyone - you - know *exactly* what I'm going through (kinda without exactly knowing, if that makes sense) You are an incredible person. It's sad that the things you enjoy are no longer sacred. At this point, I agree with you - move the blog. Move it to a place where you can write how you feel and not feel like you have to watch your back. You should *never EVER* apologize for the way you feel, your opinions, and the way you want to live your life. ;-) Let's start our own little blogging community - free from drama and bullshit!!!
EE...I don't know if you remember me posting to you over a year ago for awhile...You got me into my blog for the little bit of time I spent there; even commented, thanks :). I am saddened to hear what you are going through right now. For what it's worth from someone who hasn't read your blog since 10/06, I can't say that I'm surprised. Although we find ourselves at points in our life that are difficult, it is those challenges that we face which make us stronger. The same way that I could see your marriage dissolve over a year ago, I can also see the strength inside you to pick yourself up and do what's best for you and your children.
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This may seem like an end, but I promise you it is just a very dark beginning to a new life. Keep your chin up and you will find all you need in yourself. -Jason # posted by
: September 12, 2007 8:30 PM |
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